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by areuandi



Category: Original Work
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-08
Updated: 2018-03-08
Packaged: 2019-03-28 15:10:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13906656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/areuandi/pseuds/areuandi
Summary: Did it all happen?Or was it all just a premonition?





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"Goodbye!" said one of my friends.

"Bye! I'm going with this guy. I'll see you guys tomorrow!" she waved.

I looked at her, baffled for a moment. "What? You're going with me?" I asked.

"Yeah. You just met your idols, and I know what you're going to do. That's why, I'm coming with you."

"What the fu—"

"—whether you like it, or not." she cut me off.

She's not like this. Well, I did notice she's started being more direct and straightforward ever since we graduated high school, but this was too not like her.

I wanted to run while she was distracted with our other friends, but she was quick enough to grab hold of my hand before I could even escape.

"Shit." I cursed under my breath.

We walked along the unfamiliar streets and stationed ourselves at a bus stop.

"This isn't how we get to my hotel." I said.

Instead of saying anything, she just kept quiet and looked straight ahead. How suspicious.

Really, I wanted to run, but her hold was so strong. Or maybe, it's just because subconsciously, I didn't want to let go.

"Did you have fun?" she asked out of the blue.

"Yeah. Of course I had fun." I said with a bit of enthusiasm as I remembered every scene from today.

"You look calm even after meeting them." she snickered. But not in a mean way. I think.

She's really different now. I had doubts about her, well, even until now, but she looks really genuine. She doesn't agree most of the time, but everytime she does, she gets bashful.

The bus arrived and there were only two or three people inside. I didn't even bother questioning her where we were going to go, and instead just followed her into the vehicle.

We sat, not so far back the bus. She offered me the seat by the window.

She knew, I liked the seat by the window.

I knew she liked it too, but she had this serious look on that I didn't bother to even pry her to take the seat that she offered.

It was a quiet ride. I could see her in the corner of my eye, smiling at the pictures she took during the concert. All of them were pictures of our idols, and some pictures of our friends. I rarely saw a selfie of her.

It seemed like our destination was still far, so I kind of dozed off for a few minutes. It wasn't long until she woke me up, so we could lift off the bus.

"We're here." she said.

The bus took off, leaving trails of dust and smoke behind. I covered my mouth with my handkerchief. She didn't have one so she just covered hers with the back of her forearm.

I noticed that she kept on doing that. When she laughs, when she coughs... I looked ahead, and saw the bay. Lights twinkled above the horizon.

"Have you been here before?" I asked.

"No." she said, in a pitch that seems kind of sarcastic at the same time real. "It's my first time here. There's supposedly an inn nearby."

She walked around the cemented benches and walked down stairs leading to the sand. I followed.

She continued walking, and suddenly stopped. She looked back and gestured me to come over.

"The view is breathtaking. Exactly like the photos on Google." she said with a laugh.

The sound of waves and howling night winds surround us. The ambiance was serene and peaceful. Somehow, her company didn't bother me. It didn't exactly comfort me too.

It was just... peaceful. It was hard to imagine the place where we just were.

"It's tiring to just stand. Let's sit over there." I pointed to a stone bench behind us.

"Okay."

We struggled through the sand as it sunk with every step we took. Although, she didn't look as if it annoyed her, she looked amused.

We sat on the stone bench. We didn't sit too close with each other. She maintained a healthy distance away from me. Not too far, not too close.

We talked. We talked about some things.

We talked about the concert. We talked about our friends. We talked about her heart hurting whenever she over exerted herself, we talked about my puppies. We talked a lot, smiling and laughing every so often whenever our eyes met.

After a few of our own subtly offensive jokes about our likes and dislikes, there was silence. We listened to the waves and winds once again. By now, it was quarter to eleven.

"Actually, I lied." she said.

"Uhuh. You've been here?"

"Yeah. I was alone. And crying."

"Well, of course." I said with fake laughter. "Why were you crying?"

"I lost someone. I was grieving over the permanent loss of someone important to me. Someone who I wished to spend my life with. Someone..." she trailed off. "Haha, well, doesn't this sound awfully tragic."

"Soz, you were crying over a guy, weren't you?"

She looked at me as if my guess was right. And yeah, it was right. "Yeah," she replied. "I cried because the guy I wished to spend my life with passed away."

There was another silence.

"Who was he?" I asked.

She didn't say anything.

I heard hiccups. I looked towards her and saw her face streaming with tears.

"Did you really love him that much?"

She nodded as she muffled her sobs with her hands covering her mouth.

I only looked at her, not sure what I was supposed to do. She then took deep breaths to calm herself.

"What the fuck, I'm crying again." she wiped her tears with her sleeves.

"Here." I handed her my handkerchief.

"You sure?" she said amidst her breaths.

"Yeah, yeah. You need it."

"Thank you."

She wiped her tears off but was polite enough to not use it to blow her nose off. She folded my handkerchief and put it on her lap.

"It was a really sorrowful dream."

"Dream?" I asked, a bit bewildered.

"Yeah. It was all a dream. Well, a premonition, to be exact." she said with a look of relief and sadness. "I never imagined I would actually cry. Just because you would die."

"Oh. You mean you dreamt of me dying? That's funny."

"It's not! I... I was genuinely sad. You're so important to me. I didn't know why. I didn't know why I care for you to this extent."

I stayed quiet, as gradually, what she said made sense.

"But I realized why after you told me you planned on ending your life. I was so... struck by what you said. More than anything, I wanted you to live."

I swallowed a lump in my throat. My head told me to cry but I wouldn't.

"You know, I never really understand what I feel most of the time. As soon as I understood why I loved seeing you smile so much, I was overjoyed. I finally understood something.

I want you to live. I want to protect you. Even if you disregard me as person, or think of me as just an acquaintance, I want to let you see just how much you are to this world... My thoughts have never been so coherent."

By now her chest was heaving heavily.

I understood what she meant. What she was trying to say was loud and clear. And yet, I denied it and shook it off.

"I don't need your pity." I said.

"It's not pity!" she almost shouted.

As she realized her voice got louder she covered her mouth.

"It's not pity..." she muttered.

I know I'm being cold towards her. I know that. I know she's suffering as much as me, so I found it pointless how she was worrying for me when she could worry about herself.

"It made me feel worthless how even in my dreams, I couldn't do anything. Seriously...

I love you... so much." she said in a quiet voice. Clear and transparent, and genuine. I felt goosebumps but I didn't realize why.

"You'd hate me and leave." I said.

"That might happen, but it won't stop me from wanting to let you live." she said.

"You'll find out about my flaws and judge them."

"I already did."

I sat still.

I pondered about her confession.

She knew, I knew.

Finally, I settled on a decision.

"I'm sorry. I can't accept your feelings." I said, with no hesitation.

"Yeah, I knew that. You wouldn't ever." She looked away from me and sighed.

"Let's go." she stood up. "You need to rest."

"You should too." I said.

She kept quiet but nodded.

2 years and 7 months later

I wonder... If I held her hand that time, would she still have lived today?

"... The 7.8 magnitude earthquake extinguished more than 800 lives. The government has now delivered goods to the surviving victims..."

Yeah... Maybe.

That night, her hand was sweaty and cold. Her face was pale, her body looked frail.

It's hard to believe she gripped me enough that I couldn't let go.

I'm alive. She told me to be alive.

But she's not.

I laid on my back, my forearm covering my eyes as the earphones that plugged to my phone played songs we used to sing together.

I didn't love her by the time she confessed I guess. I probably did, but I was too terrified by the thought of her leaving me for... something or someone else.

I felt a hot tear fall down. It was warm, and it reminded me of her.

I awoke to the familiar sound of my alarm. I turned it off and saw something strange.

Something doesn't feel right here.

There was a message.

From her:

hurry up!

it said.

It felt unreal, but could it be?

I switched my phone on to see time had been reversed.

"It really is two years and seven months ago..."

Thoughts rushed here and there, and one thing remained still for sure.

Do I save her or not?

I'll hold her hand this time. She won't die, neither of us will. Well, until the right time comes. She won't drink it. She won't.

**Author's Note:**

> hi, areuandi here. or rúni lol.
> 
> i'm sorry it's not really detailed. i hope to write more soon.


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